Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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