I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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