never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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