Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
