i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
