I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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