U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
