You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
