so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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