you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
