dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
