I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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