i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
