I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize