Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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