Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
