i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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