Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
