i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
