fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
