Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
