It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
