Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize