i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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