no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize