And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
