He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
