Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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