I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
