Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
