Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
