Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
