my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
