Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I am puke
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
