well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
