You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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