Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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