Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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