i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
