I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
