So drunk its hurt
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
