My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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