There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
