doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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