Umm I'm too high to move.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
