I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize