Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
