he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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