i just wanna soil my oats bro
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
