too bad you live with your parents still
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
