I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize