My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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