im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize