you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
