I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
