Barsexuality is the new black.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
