Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
