we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
