Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
