Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
