I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
