did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
