nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
