At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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