so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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