My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I stole a fireplace last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
