just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
