my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
