I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
