We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
