I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
