my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize